My testimony = an orange daylily

Hi team! Imma let me finish... aka get back to long-winded, rambly, photo-filled, much overdue recaps of the last few months soon... but first it's about to get real a) religious and b) horticultural around here.

Intriguing, eh? 

I've been doing a lot of pondering lately and among my many epiphanies and realizations was that when I envision my grandchildren and great-grandchildren spending hours pouring over my blog books in distant years, I want them to learn more about our life than just the detailed rundowns of our activities and such. Let me be clear: they will love the detailed rundowns. My posterity will cherish knowing which of my friends made it to girls' night each month and what I wore to church each Sunday and what TV show I watched obsessively until the next season when it went off the rails and got weird/dirty/awkward/sad/ridiculous/unfunny (which basically happens to every TV show I love. I'd list the examples, but it's too embarrassing that I ever watched some of them...).

But I also want my grandchildren and great grandchildren and such (especially the ones named after me; I expect there to be dozens of 'jana' and 'marie' namesakes scattered amongst them) to know what was absolutely of the greatest importance to me, which is the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And so, expect in the future more posts of a religious nature to be sprinkled in amongst the lighter fare. Starting with this one, about an incredible epiphany I had recently:

My testimony [of Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, etc] is a daylily.

Here's what you need to know about daylilies: They are the only flower in my garden that I haven't killed (either accidentally or on purpose) in the last six years. When we bought our house, there were two large flower gardens in the front yard. Very pretty and colorful and very soon, neglected. I'm not super into flowers. I don't get any deep satisfaction from cultivating them and taking care of them and gazing upon them, especially when the process takes a lot of work and/or money. 

But I LOVE my daylilies. I think they're beautiful, especially in orange, my favorite color. They started out occupying a small area and over the years we've (I'm using the royal 'we'; it's actually been Nicole and my mom and Chuck, haha) split them and transplanted them and now they span the entire garden in front of the playroom window and around the corner, as well as an area in the backyard along the fence.

Here's why my daylilies have survived: according to a university gardening website, "Daylilies are rugged, adaptable, vigorous perennials that endure in a garden for many years with little or no care. Daylilies adapt to a wide range of soil and light conditions. They establish quickly, grow vigorously, and survive winters with little or no injury."

Adaptable, vigorous, enduring with little to no care? BEST FLOWER EVER.

So, this leads me back to my earlier epiphany/metaphor/seminary devotional: My testimony - my knowledge that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live and that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is their restored church on the earth today, led by a modern-day prophet who is the Lord's mouthpiece on the earth -  is a daylily. I had a really, really, difficult conversation earlier this summer with someone I just really, really love and it gave me cause to spend a lot of time thinking about my religious beliefs and my testimony. It didn't give me cause to doubt or question my beliefs or testimony at all, just cause to think about my relationship with my testimony - how I treat it, how I handle it, how I care for it. And the resulting realizations were sobering. Just like my vigorous, enduring with little care daylilies, I have taken my testimony very much for granted. I know that it will always be there and endure through anything, so I've let it. I've relied on it and taught from it and used is as a means of protection and comfort and let it protect me from the whirlwinds. 

I took this picture earlier in the summer for an instagram photo challenge, captioning it with something about how I hate weeding, so in my garden the flowers just grow alongside the weeds.

A few weeks later, I looked more closely at my daylilies. They were there and enduring and as beautiful as ever, but a line of ridiculously prickly weeds close to the house were blocking the sprinklers right there. I had noticed it earlier and ignored it, but finally one day I went out and spent an hour in the dirt, pulling as many of the weeds as I could. I didn't get them all (weeding is pretty tiring, yo) but I got a lot and it was gratifying to see the daylilies actually get, you know, watered in the days to come. [full disclaimer: a bunch of the weeds have grown back. I should probably get on that...]

So, back to my testimony. If you look at the picture of the daylily next to the weed, you might not know how much I love that flower. I'm sure people that visit my home or drive past it look at the apparent neglect and assume that the daylilies aren't important to me. And it's incredibly sobering to think that I might be giving off that some impression in regards to my testimony - not just to passersby or associates, but to my children. I want my family to see that my knowledge that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father is central to my life. That the Atonement of Jesus Christ gives me hope in all situations and difficulties and sadness. That my eternal marriage, sealed in a Holy Temple of God, centers me and gives me perspective. That my understanding of the Plan of Happiness and the goal to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus and my family forever and ever is my motivation to try harder and harder to make right choices.

For so long I've loved and appreciated my testimony but failed to truly cherish it. I've known it would always be there, but I haven't given it the priority and precedence and place of honor in my life that it deserves. Will it stay alive if I continue on as I have? Yes. The daylilies will come back every year and survive on water (somewhat blocked by weeds), sun (kinda blocked by our tree), and dirt (kinda corrupted by weeds). And what's amazing is that the daylilies will be strong enough to be split and transplanted and shared and still grow tall and beautiful. My testimony will continue to survive on very diligent church attendance and mostly diligent temple attendance and weekly/daily family home evening/prayers/scripture study and personal prayer most of the time and personal scripture study when I remember. It will even be strong enough to get me through moments of weakness and difficult times and it will be strong enough to share with others and to draw from as I teach and raise my children. BUT I'm no longer satisfied with that. I don't want to just use and abuse my testimony; I want to nurture it. I want to strengthen it and reinforce it as much as possible. I want to shield it from untruths and neglect, so that it's always ready to be my shield.

So, in that spirit, my plan is to record more spiritual things in my life - notes from General Conference, quotes and scriptures I find while preparing lessons (for my new calling! Sunday School teacher for the 15 and 16 year olds! I love them! they tolerate me!), tender mercies I find in my life. Our family has a new goal since Conference of personal prayer every morning - we check in at breakfast so that those of us who forgot (cough, me, cough) can sneak back in our rooms and take care of it :). When it comes to my natural tendency towards cynicism, I'm going to pull a Taylor Swift and shake it off (Jack and I recommend doing the arms in the air, jazz hands routine when listening to that song...) and instead approach church and talks and lessons with a softer heart.

 So pretty, right??

Okay, long rambly religious post over! Props if you made it through. No worries if you scrolled to the bottom to see how long it was, read this, and bounced :).